More wisdom from Gloria Lemay via Ilithia Inspired

Here is a post I just read which hit the nail on the head with how I am feeling about this birth. Sazz posted recently about the need to live in the present and not think too much about the past or what is to come. To allow the body and mind to just experience what is happening right NOW and take that same philosophy into the birth.

I have been living with fear that this baby will end up having a similar birth to Molly (induced labour, epidural, on my back, forceps, episiotomy, respiratory distress, special care, breastfeeding challenges etc etc etc) and I have been having trouble letting go of that fear and just living each day knowing that this baby will have the birth it deserves, in it's own time if I can just trust that my body will work and everything will be ok. I trust birth.

When I feel this fear I am going to use this as a mantra of sorts... I trust birth.. I trust my body.. I am doing all I can to ensure this babe gets the best birth possible.

Sazz posted a recap of Gloria Lemay's talk on this issue... Please go read it here if you are interested.. It's about goats and birth so it's definitely worth a read! :)

Sad sack...

I have been totally miserable for most of the day.

For no reason..

Retreating inward...

I had a lovely time sharing sandwiches and chatting with my midwife today. I visited thinking there would be other mothers there for the fortnightly mother-baby support group that is run from my midwife's house, however, for whatever reason I was the only one who went! So the afternoon looked a little different to how it usually does!

After a free-flowing discussion on a range of topics including a recent surprise twin birth that my midwife attended, personal vulnerability (and for that to be seen), aspects of our faith journeys, aspects of parenting (instilling responsibility and accountability without fear) and other things, it came up that I am feeling a great desire to "go inward". That for the first time since being in my job, I am starting to lose my patience with clients (in my head- no one would have any idea) and I have less and less emotional energy to deal with things that come up outside the comfort and protective bubble of family. I cannot think critically and respond in a methodical and measured way like I usually can.  The fortnightly staff meeting that I enjoy attending due to the fact that it is a great connection point between the weekend staff members and weekday staff, is becoming a real drag... It's not that anything has changed. I love my job. But the passion and spark that I usually have is dull. I just want to be with my loved ones.

This is ok. This is good.

Joy and I discussed how this is a natural "nesting" response in preparing to bring another new life into our family. To draw the closest closer and to create some distance between the family bubble and the ones who aren't and shouldn't be closely involved during this time.

It doesn't make me a bad social worker, a bad friend or a bad Christian... it makes me a mother.

Much brighter today!

Thank you for the couple of lovely kind comments after my down-in-the-mouth post last night.

Yes, I was feeling extremely sorry for myself, but I was completely right in guessing it was due to lack of sleep, too much wheat and salt, and not enough water... Oh, and the lack of sunshine yesterday. I swear I have S.A.D. (seasonal affective disorder) as my mood is thoroughly governed by what the weather wants to do. It's hard to live with!

Today has been much better... I ensured it would start on the right foot by getting enough sleep. I did have a couple of hours awake from about 2am to 4am, but I used the time to work on my hypnobirthing meditation and before I knew it, it was morning and I was feeling somewhat human! I slept in until about 9am, and John brought be breakfast in bed of home made wholemeal spelt toast with scrambled eggs with coriander. He also brewed me a delicious coffee.

After breakfast our little family went for a walk around a local park. It's a great park with a track all the way around and resistence equipment stations at several spots along the way. We had fun trying all the machines. The sun was shining, there were loads of other families out enjoying the space, and we were all feeling really relaxed and happy. John dropped me at work after this and I was really hungry for lunch by this stage so I popped half a sweet potato in the microwave and served it with some tinned salmon (Safcol premium skinless and boneless is my fave) and low fat mayo. I also munched on a few rice thins while I was waiting for the potato to cook. It was a quick, easy and satisfying lunch.

I had a client this afternoon who wanted to do some cooking so we decided to make wholemeal date scones. They turned out great! Because we used a recipe that had minimal fat and sugar I ate two with a cup of tea. I am now feeling that I shouldn't have had that much wheat but I am no where near as uncomfortable as I was yesterday. Here is the link for the recipe I changed it by substituting the SR flour with wholemeal SR flour, dropping the sugar all together, adding 1 cup chopped dried dates and using low fat cream and sugar free lemonade. They worked really well with all these modifications. Next time I will try them with spelt flour as it's a bit easier on my belly.

So now here I am and it's only an hour till knock off. I have a couple of things to do before I pack up but all in all it's been a much more positive day. I am planning for this week to be full of activity and to get out in the sunshine whenever we have a chance.

Now tell me, what is your favourite healthy snack recipe??

Please hit me up in the comments and I will publish them!

22 weeks and feeling massive!!

I've been feeling a little low today... I think it's tiredness mixed with a day alone in the office.. and the rain. 

I have just felt so BIG today.. I understand that I am only going to get bigger in the belly area (and probably elsewhere) and I need to just deal with it but today I really felt like I was stretching.. My belly felt so tight and I started thinking "if I feel like this now, how will I be feeling in another 18 or so weeks!!?".. I have done it before and I will do it again. I know my belly will grow to accommodate Baby X (Molly has taken to calling the baby this, it's very cute!) and I will work to regain my pre-pregnancy body when the time is right.

Tiredness and fluid retention... those are my two problems right now and both are easily fixable... sleep and water/clean eating- avoiding wheat, salt and processed foods. Sounds easy doesn't it?? Yeah, well it should be.

I've exercised 3 days this week.. which is 2 less than I would like but 3 more than none, so that's good right?? 

Eh.. 

Food has been hit and miss.. all main meals are excellent but it's the in between stuff that trips me up..

Sorry for the down-in-the-dumps post...

I think I need to go to bed.

xo

Relief!!!

I'm shocked...

Had a call from C/Link today and it seems that they had communicated some information to us wrong and it turns out there is no record in the system of any debt that we owe. I don't have a clue how this has worked out but I'll take it! There's no debt!!

I feel like we can move forward now but are in a much more organised place and will be walking a better path. What a blessing!

I'm so thankful to God for helping us out of what was looking like a pretty sticky situation.

I do not take it for granted and am totally committed to our renewed enthusiasm for living frugally.

Feeling low today...

I'm not sure what it is, and I am afraid to post about it in case it gets worse.. however I need to be honest on here and keep an accurate record of what's going on for me.

I feel so sad this afternoon. I have managed to push it down all morning and get on with stuff. We visited the cafe, went to the supermarket, went to SIL's to make her some lunch (rice paper rolls.. tasty) as she is feeling a little housebound at 41 weeks pregnant. We then came home on foot, and on the way it started raining. Ordinarily, this wouldn't bother me, I would just walk faster. But today it made me so resentful that hubby had taken the car to the studio where it is just sitting in the car park all day. Molly had her raincoat so she was happy but I was dressed for spring and was cold and wet and grumpy.

So now we are home and I should be over it.

I have been sitting on Twitter for too long and should be playing with Molly (instead of letting her veg in front of the TV), or cleaning the kitchen, or doing SOMETHING!! But I just can't.

Things I would like to do this afternoon include: clean up the kitchen, sort preggy clothes in wardrobe  from those that don't fit, cook something with Molly, make a start on our bedroom (it's quite shocking), take some 18 week belly photos.

I'll come back and update my progress with those tasks later..