The birth story of Richie Jack...

Warning... this post contains birth photos & me in the nuddie! Do not proceed if you wish to avoid seeing my woman bits!

So here we are! Richie is living his ninth day on the outside and is doing wonderfully. 

Richie's birth story starts way back at my blessingway on February 4th. After everyone went home I had about 25 hours of prelabour before it tapered off and stopped. This put my brain into the labour zone and I started to feel like it might happen soon. At this point I was 38 weeks pregnant and totally ready for it to happen. 

Each day I anticipated labour starting. I had several other prelabour sessions as I passed 39, 40, 41, 42 weeks. Each day I felt different. Some days I was happy to keep waiting and just went on with life as normal. Other days I got so down and sad and felt that my body had betrayed me. As you know I had been planning to give birth in our home and I really wanted to avoid induction- particularly the syntocinon drip which causes the nature of labour to change dramatically and moves a woman far away from the physiological hormonal process that usually happens in natural birth. 

I decided to have monitoring in the hospital after 42 weeks to ensure that our baby was ok and that the placenta was still functioning properly. My plan was to wait until labour started spontaneously unless the monitoring indicated that the baby really needed to be born. I had five days of monitoring and on the 5th day, there was a significant enough change to cause me to make the decision to change to "plan B" and have an artificial rupture of membranes (AROM) in the hospital on Sunday the 13th of March. 

Once I had made that decision I had this overwhelming sense of peace. Like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. Molly went to stay with her cousin Felix for the night and John and I had a lovely relaxed night together watching crappy American sit-coms (Everybody Loves Raymond, Seinfeld and the american version of The Office were our favourites over last weeks of my pregnancy) and I slept so deeply and peacefully. It was the best I had slept in months so I woke feeling refreshed and ready for what the day would bring. We were asked to get to the hospital at 6:45am to be admitted and get settled into our birthing space. My mum and midwife arrived at about 8am and we sat and chatted and eagerly anticipated the coming events!

Waiting to be seen by the doctor. About 7am. Excited!

At 10am a doctor came to see me and he checked my cervix. He said it was 3cms and could be stretched to 4 so I wouldn't need any prostaglandin gel to ripen my cervix before breaking my waters. I was really happy about this as the gel can cause more discomfort. He then broke my waters. There was only a small amount at first so we weren't sure if he had done it properly but when I stood up I had a big gush and soaked several pads before it lightened to a trickle. The liquor was perfectly clear (which is sort of strange for such a "post-dates" baby).

We decided to get out of the hospital for a while and went for a walk in a really lovely park nearby. It was a beautiful day. A clear blue sky and a lovely breeze. Perfect for walking in the park. It was a very strange feeling. So normal. Walking in the park with John, mum and Joy and chatting about whatever came up. Kind of ignoring the fact that I was trying to get myself into labour. It was a stark contrast to the dark stairwell walk we did after I had an AROM with Molly. After this we decided to grab a drink and something to eat from the cafe before returning to the room to concentrate on getting things moving. 

Once back in the room I started having some irregular contractions. They were only light and I could easily talk through them. Mum, John and Joy sat around doing crosswords and playing scrabble on the iphone and I went into the bathroom, turned off the bright light and listened to my birth hypnosis CD. I would come out and give thumbs up when I was having a tightening and John wrote down the time. I didn't care about how far apart they were. I was busy trying to get out of my head and into labour land. As the time approached for the doctors to return and check my progress I started having what I would describe as proper labour-like contractions. They were further apart and much more intense. Like a rubber band being pulled from hip-bone to hip-bone and crampy. I had about 4 or 5 of these before the doctor returned. 

When he came back I was mid contraction and I had to wait for it to finish before being able to let him examine me again. It was two o'clock by this stage and he said I had made very little progress between the last VE and this one. He said the head was much lower but I was still only about 4 cms. At this point he strongly recommended I consent to the syntocinon but after asking for some privacy to talk it over with my team, I decided to wait another two hours to see if what I was feeling was actually true labor contractions. I'm so glad I did! This was it!

Things intensified very quickly after this point. Before this point I was mostly in the bathroom but ventured out to have a chat every now and then. Once the contractions started picking up I decided that the bathroom was the perfect place to be. It was not the vision I had for my birth but it felt safe and I stood in front of the toilet hanging on to the grab-rail and lowering myself up and down onto the toilet. I felt this motion really helped bring the head down and although it hurt more when I sat down it felt really good to feel the opening/stretching sensations that told me my baby was coming. I was taking my pants off and putting them back on when I sat on the toilet and at some stage I decided it would be better to leave them off. 

I started needing to vocalise through the sensations and found my "labour song". I moaned with a low "OOOOHhhhhmmmmmm" sound and tried to focus on relaxing my bottom and let gravity draw my body down with each wave. I still had decent breaks in between sensations at this point.

Right on two hours after the last VE the doctor returned (funny, he had been late all day but now that I was refusing syntocinon he was very keen to examine me again). From my perspective it was pretty clear that I was in labour. I was vocalising, I was hiding in my bathroom cave, I had my pants off and didn't care who saw me but still... I had entered into the medical model and they need hard evidence to prove that a baby is coming. I said if the doctor was going to examine me he was going to need to do it in the bathroom. He seemed very uncomfortable with this and said that it would be a bit awkward (for him yes!!). My midwife said something along the lines of "I once had a vet as a client who said she never made a cow lie down on a bed for an examination"... We all laughed.. I said something like "I hope he doesn't need to put his arm that far up me".. the doctor didn't get the joke.. I was grateful to Joy for lightening the mood and for making the doctor look a bit stupid. After this I actually felt a little better and decided to get the exam over with so I quickly jumped up on the bed and I was examined again. This time the doctor was very rough. He poked and prodded and I told him to stop. He didn't stop, saying he just wanted to check one more thing"...I said "get out". Someone said "she has withdrawn her consent" (meaning, what you are doing is no longer legal) and he quickly stopped. He told me I was 7cms and the baby was in a right occiput anterior position (ROA). I was very glad to see the back of him (I think we all were). I'm pretty sure he was annoyed that I had been right about what I was feeling.

I told Joy that I didn't think that baby was ROA. I thought LOA and the doppler position when we checked the heart rate was consistent with my feeling. 

I hurried back to the bathroom and resumed my position in front of the loo. I said to Joy "no synt for me" and burst into tears. My vocalisations were picking up intensity and I took off my birthing beads. They were just annoying me by this stage. My moans started to get really shaky at the peak of each wave and tapered off. I had a heavy crampy feeling between each contraction and wasn't finding much relief although I would definitely say there was no time when I had back-to-back contractions that I couldn't cope with. The sensations were extremely intense. I started saying "owww" and "this hurts". When I said these things I found it much harder to relax my bottom and it made it hurt more. I remembered Ina May's advice to relax your mouth and relax your bottom. I adopted a new chant.. "Relaaaaaax relaaaaaaax relaaaaaaax" and "yessss yesss yesss" while squatting down and relaxing downward. I even started saying "thank you Lord" at the peak of contractions.  Once I relaxed I could cope very well with the intense surges and I could breathe my baby down. Joy applied counter pressure to my sacrum which helped a lot. I could feel a great heaviness in my vagina and I asked for a wet face washer to hold against it. There was bright red blood on the face washer and I knew my cervix was nearly there. 

All of a sudden I had this burst of energy. I was no longer in a meditative state. I was fully alert and said "okay, let's go out now". I left my cave, took off the rest of my clothes and took up an all fours position on a mat next to the bed. I leaned on the bed for a while and felt the nature of my sensations change from the stretchy opening cramps to an expulsive pushing urge. I never got to feel this with Molly as I was totally numb from the waist down. It was an amazing feeling. My body just took over and my vocalisations became higher pitched and grunty. Kind of like crying with a grunt at the end. Then the crying stopped and then there was just the grunting. 

Feeling the first of the pushing urges

There's the facewasher next to my knee... Ignore the dirty feet.

My mum was sitting in front of me and looked like she didn't know what to do with herself so I asked her to come around the "back-end" with the others. The head came into view very quickly and I moved from all fours to having one leg up, then swapped legs due to a cramp and then returned to all fours with my bum very close to the mat. Mum said that watching the midwives was like watching two mechanics working with their torches underneath a car. 

Bringing baby down

I touched the head and was totally awestruck. I felt long hair that I stroked. I felt my perineum stretching and massaged it with my hand. I pushed with each contraction and felt the head come further and further down. It slipped back once but I quickly figured out how much pressure I needed to maintain in order to hold it there between surges. I felt the "ring of fire" and spent one contraction resisting it but then decided I really wanted to meet my baby and with an almighty push I worked the big round head out of my body. 

Melon head emerging!

I rested between contractions. As soon as I felt the next surge I pushed with everything I had and felt the body slide out of me. I stopped pushing, thinking it was all done and the midwife said "keep going, the legs aren't out" and with one more push the rest came tumbling out.

After unwrapping the cord that was wrapped around a leg and an arm (I think), Joy passed my baby through my legs to me and I held it close and enjoyed the feeling of my warm, wet, squirmy baby on my chest. I put my wiggly little person down in front of me and checked the sex.. A BOY! MY BOY! I stroked his body and face and made sure he was breathing and ok. He let out a beautiful cry and I held him to my body again before moving to the bed for skin to skin and the first breastfeed. He attached almost immediately. John spent the second stage taking photos and some video and cried when we realised we had a boy and all was well. He was/is so proud of me.

Richie Jack Carr was born on 13.3.11 at 5:11pm weighing in at 4.46kg or 9lb 13oz.

Joy and I had worked out a plan for the third stage (delivery of the placenta) that was different to hospital procedure. Because I had my waters artificially broken (therefor disturbing the natural process albeit in a small way) I had decided to have the oxytocic injection to deliver the placenta but because I wanted to let my baby receive all the blood from the cord (wait for it to stop pulsating before cutting it) Joy recommended waiting for it to stop pulsing before giving me the injection, thus ensuring that he didn't get any of the oxytocic drug via the placenta (usually the midwife would inject the mum in the thigh as the shoulders came out). There was also instruction in Joy's words, not to "fiddle with the fundus" and to let me push the placenta out when it detached itself. This process went exactly as we had planned and I have had only light bleeding since. Joy and I examined the placenta together and it was intact and the membranes only had a small hole where Richie came through. Amazing! 

I required some stitches as my episiotomy scar from Molly's birth didn't hold up very well. That was very uncomfortable! 

All in all it was an amazing birth for a hospital induction! I felt strong, empowered and knew what was going on in my body. Of course, I would have preferred to birth at home however I am so happy with how this birth went and am so grateful to my support people. I would never birth in a hospital without an independent midwife. 

Richie required some special care in hospital but is fine now and I'll elaborate more on that in the next post.

 Hope you enjoyed reading about Richie Jack's birth!

Little Buddha 

Still pregnant!

Still waiting!!

According to that little ticker over there in the left corner I am now 41 weeks and 6 days. That is based on my ultrasound estimated due date which was quite a bit different from how pregnant I thought I was. The EDD that I'm comfortable going with is 28th Feb (based on a 28 day cycle).. which I'm not even sure about.. There is also the 4th of March which was thrown in the mix somehow (me stuffing up when trying to calculate I think). Anyway. I feel I'm around 41 weeks. Due dates suck anyway so lets just forget about the date and say I'm still here and can't wait to meet my little squishy!

Today was the first time I have stepped into a hospital in this entire pregnancy. I decided to have some monitoring to ensure that babe and placenta are happy and doing what they are supposed to be doing. I went into this knowing that the outcome of this monitoring could affect whether or not I am able to have this baby at home but I figured that I'd rather know what was going on and be able to make a truly informed decision based on the information received from the monitoring. 

So we went in via emergency (which is apparently the procedure) and were directed to the monitoring area where we were greeted by several smiling faces. It was nice to walk in to a hospital and to be greeted so warmly. We only had to wait for five minutes before being directed into a private cubicle and "hooked up" to the CTG. We busied ourselves with crosswords while we waited.

The midwife allocated to us in the beginning seemed a little frazzled and had a medical student shadowing her. She hooked me up without introducing herself, said it would be about 20 minutes of monitoring and left to go on her lunch break. I was kind of happy that we were being allocated another nurse as that one made me feel a little edgy and I didn't feel particularly "cared for" by her... maybe she was just hungry. The next midwife then arrived and introduced herself and gave us an opportunity to introduce ourselves (addressed John directly). She stayed in the cubicle with us while I asked what the trace meant and what the implications could be if we didn't get a "normal" reading. She took the time and answered in depth, acknowledging my plans to home birth (without making me feel like a reckless hippy) and being totally sympathetic that I needed to even set foot in the hospital. She validated my feelings and agreed with my decision to come in for monitoring so that I had all the information I needed to make the decision that was right for me. She reminded me that it was MY decision no matter the outcome and was just so lovely and respectful. I feel she was sent to me... a little angel in a nurses uniform.

20 minutes passed, then 30, 40, 50, 60... They just could not get a baseline. Bub would not settle down! They tried with me sitting upright, semi-reclined and lying on my side but still, baby just wanted to party. So much movement and quite a few contractions and NO baseline in over an hour. The nursing staff seemed a little concerned as they couldn't send us home without a good baseline trace so they asked the doctor to come and have a look and a chat with us about what to do from there. I got nervous. But I needn't have. The doctor was lovely. She explained that they needed to get a good trace before I went home and also spoke about what they would recommend at this stage (which would essentially be an induction) but asked us to go off for a walk and get some lunch, give baby a chance to settle down and come back to try again after that. So that's what we did. 

While we were at lunch we talked about the possibility of induction and how that would make me/us feel. I realised that I have processed Molly's birth really well as I was able to honestly say that if there was a legitimate reason to give birth in the hospital (which at this point in the day was a possibility), that I would be ok with this. Having so much more knowledge and an independent midwife who would be with me would help me to make decisions in my own power and to ensure we set ourselves up for the best birth in any environment. 

So we returned to the monitoring area and I was directed straight to another bed. I was cared for by another lovely midwife who reminded me of a friend of mine. She lay me on my left side and said that she would try a trick shown to her by a woman pregnant with twins. This woman said that when she would go out in the sun her babies would jump around like crazy but settled when she went inside. So the midwife lay me down, turned off the lights and put a sheet over my belly to create a dark space. Baby responded immediately and began to settle. Then John came in (he had needed to move the car 3 times at this stage) and baby started jumping around when s/he heard his voice. Which is very cute and nice but also annoying at that point in time. John stopped talking and after wiggling around for a while trying to settle, went to sleep and let us get a really good trace with a definite baseline. Yay! 

I also had an ultrasound fluid check which showed I still have plenty of fluid. The doctor offered to do a stretch and sweep which I agreed to and she said that my cervix is 1-2 cms dilated and nice and stretchy. 50% effaced. It was mildly uncomfortable but not painful at all. This is a change from Friday when my midwife tried to do a sweep and could only get one finger in. So all signs point to labour not being far away.

After all that, the doctor basically told me that she "had" to inform me of the risks of waiting longer than 42 weeks but it was clear (in her body language) that she thought everything was fine and that I was making the right decision to wait. No one made me feel reckless or silly for planning to birth at home or for waiting. I was sent home and asked to come back in 2 days for another check if I hadn't come into labour before that. 

So a long day, but a pretty positive experience all up!

Private vs public vs independent midwifery...

Here is an email I sent today to a friend who asked me my advice about models of prenatal care.. I thought I'd post my response here as I feel it could help others who are considering threr options.

Hi there!

I would be happy to give you advice based on my research and experience.

I chose public hospital midwifery care for Molly's birth. This meant everything was covered including all tests. The reason I chose public care was less due to cost though and more due to the MUCH lower rates of intervention and cesarean section. Midwifery care is recommended by the World Health Organisation as the gold standard of care. Obstetricians are very good at working with high risk mothers however (with the exception of a few) they treat all pregnancies as if they are high risk- that's what they are trained to do. Pregnancy is not a medical emergency and midwifery care is a much better option for a healthy mother and baby. Private hospitals have much higher cesarian rates than public hospitals. *** 

This time I am choosing to pay an independent midwife and give birth at home. I felt that being in the hospital system caused much of the drama that happened with Molly's birth. I was pregnant until 42 weeks and because of hospital policy (no clinical evidence to say either of us were not ok) I was induced and ended up with a very traumatic birth experience. No cesarean luckily but forceps and a big episiotomy and then breastfeeding dramas due to Molly being (in my opinion) unnecessarily put in the special care unit. 

So now I have a midwife (Joy) who has been working since 1973 to be with me when I give birth. She is caring and nurturing but highly experienced and I feel completely confident in her care. I have a hospital backup if I need it and Joy is trained to pick up any signs early which may indicate I need to transfer. We don't have a lot of spare money but I feel this is an expense I would go into debt for as it is so important to me to avoid the same kind of thing that happened with Molly.

Birth environment is exceptionally important when it comes to having a calm and physiological birth without the need for interventions. It is another process of elimination (like pooing! lol) and requires the same kind of safety and privacy to prevent getting "stage fright". Imagine having to do a poo in a room full of strangers with a bright light shining on your butt?? Or imagine having sex and trying to climax in this same kind of environment??!! It's the same hormones that got the baby in that will get the baby out and they can be easily disturbed. That's why there are so many more interventions in hospitals. It just doesn't always feel that safe and secure (but it CAN of course). The body knows what to do, however you can increase your chances of a really good birth by choosing your birth environment carefully. (SEE Dr. Michel Odent's work and Dr. Sarah Buckley)

There is some extremely good evidence based information here: http://www.birthready.com.au/articles/choosing-your-caregiver/ 

Hope this helps.. I am definitely biased but have done my research.

xo

Ash

** I have removed a sentence about obs making money from performing procedures as I realise I need some stats to back this up. While I am pretty confident in this statement, I am choosing to remove it as I don't have the data at this moment.

29 week update and a bit of a rant!

I am getting so many braxton hicks contractions at the moment. Baby Carr is so active and the movements cause these "practice" contractions and they really take my breath away. They are not painful at all but I do have to stop and concentrate on them at times. I am hoping this will get me all primed and ready to go into spontaneous labour before 42 weeks gestation.

I am happy to be patient and wait for baby to come when he/she is ready this time, however I do really hope things start before 42 weeks. If baby does wait that long I will be having regular monitoring to ensure babe & I are healthy and well and, assuming all is fine, we will be waiting for baby to arrive in his or her own time.

At around 20 weeks (when others were having anomaly scans which we chose to avoid) I was beginning to wish we knew the sex of our baby. Other's started talking about their babies using "him" or "her" and I began feeling that it would be kind of nice to be able to speak in a more familiar way about our little one. But having made the decision a long time ago (after reading many articles suggesting that ultrasounds may not be as safe for baby as is commonly thought) to avoid unnecessary scans, we were stuck not knowing whether I was growing a little boy or another little girl.

I can happily say that I am so glad we don't know. I am a believer that there are not many true surprises in life and this is something that we feel will add to the experience of birthing this baby. We didn't know with Molly either. I am getting so excited about giving birth and welcoming a new life earthside to join our family. Molly can't wait and is beginning to feel impatient about when babe will arrive.

For the record, my hunch is that it is a boy and that I will come into labour on March 5th 2011. It will probably be wrong but I thought it was worth recording in case I am right!

My feelings about the birth itself swing between a serene sense of calm anticipation to a little bit of panic and anxiety about how I am going to handle the pain. I have a good understanding of the physiology of birth and the way hormones interact to assist a mother to naturally manage the pain however I only have a medical induction to compare it to... the induction was absolutely awful and I did not cope at all. I know from hearing stories and reading lots of information that a chemically induced labour is vastly different to one in which the woman comes into labour spontaneously and goes on to feel safe and supported through her labour and birth without stimulus to bring her out of "the zone" and affect the steady release of oxytocin.

Something that eases my mind about these fears is that I have made plans to give me the best chance possible of being able to have this kind of birth. I am birthing at home as long as baby & I remain well, I have an independent midwife who I really like and respect (and more importantly, she respects me and my choices), my support people (John and Mum) are on board and agree with my choice to birth at home, I am keeping well and healthy and I am staying out of the hospital system unless there is a medical need for me to enter it.

The number one factor influencing how you birth is your choice of care provider (should you choose to have one). If you have a care provider (Ob) with a high caesarian rate or a high episiotomy rate, you are likely to be an addition to their statistics. On the flip side, if you hire a midwife who usually sits in the other room knitting or reading and allowing the mother to do the work of bringing a baby earthside in privacy, you will probably have this kind of experience yourself.

What I am saying, is DO YOUR RESEARCH! And choose the care provider who fits with your own birth philosophy. If your philosophy does not match that of your care provider, you will find yourself fighting your way through the whole experience- this is NOT what a birthing woman needs.

If you want a VBAC, find the care provider who has the most experience and the best stats in supporting women to achieve this.

You are the CEO of your body and of your birth. YOU make the decisions. Just let them be well informed decisions..

Birth Plan..

I am still working on this... I know there is more, especially if I end up being transferred to hospital (hope not), but it's a start. I am going to write a letter to my mum to let her know what I expect from her at the birth. For some reason this is stuck on bold, underlined and italic.. oh well.. :)

Birth Plan...

Section one of this birth plan assumes that I am birthing at home with no complications or legitimate reasons for interventions of any kind. I am aware that things do not always go to plan and I am prepared to be flexible should the need arise. Section two will outline specific wishes should the need to transfer to hospital and also my wishes surrounding caesarian section.

Birth Place: Home

Back up hospital arrangements: The Royal Women's Hospital

Birth team: Midwife- Joy Johnston, student midwife- Melanie Tully, Husband- John, Mother- Annette

Other helpers: My daughter Molly will visit with her Aunty, Uncle and Cousins for the labour and birth

Section One:

Beginning labour

I would like my labour to begin spontaneously. If I am still pregnant at 42 weeks I am prepared to have monitoring to ensure both my baby and myself are healthy and wait for labour to start spontaneously. If there is an indication that either one of us are not well I will seek advice from my Midwife and take the steps that feel appropriate at that time. I would like to telephone Joy and Mel as soon as I feel I am in labour to give them plenty of time to get to my home.

During Labour:

I would like to take it as it comes. There will be several comfortable places around the house for me to spend time labouring. I would like to have a birth pool set up as an option but also know that it may not feel right at the time. I would like John to set up the pool and mum to take responsibility for keeping the pool at the right temperature during the labour so John can be with me.

I would like all my birth team to offer me sips of water and mouthfuls of high energy food at regular intervals through the labour. I would also like to be reminded to use the toilet regularly.

If I need massage/silence/talking/music/solitude/company/anything I will ask.

Please do not mention hospital/drugs/intervention etc. I understand that I may need to transfer at some point if any complictions arise and Joy may need to broach the subject with me. This is fine.. I just don't want any hospital banter or jokes.

If Mum or John feel fearful at any time, please try to hide this from me. Be brave, it's ok. Look to Joy and see how she is reacting. If she thinks I'm fine, I'm probably fine. If you can't hide it, please leave the room until you can come and be strong with me.

The birth:

I will birth in the position that feels best. If there is any reason for me to move to another position for the wellbeing of the baby (ie. Shoulder dystocia) Joy will be firm with me and I will do as she suggests. If I want any compress on my perineum I will ask. I will most likely just want to be left alone to birth my baby. If I am in a position where I feel I can, I would like to bring my baby out with my own hands, if I am not in a position where I can, I would like the baby passed straight onto my bare chest.

If my baby needs any help breathing, I would like this to be done with the cord still intact where possible.

I would like a physiologial third stage. Joy will assess my blood loss to see if any extra intervention is required.

The cord will be left intact until it stops pulsating. There is no rush to cut the cord. I would like to wait until I birth the placenta and our baby has all the blood from the cord. John can cut the cord if he wants to.

After the placenta is out and cord cut we will have a bite to eat and go to bed or wherever feels right at the time. If mum could do some cleaning up at this point that would be great. Joy and Mel will do what they need to do, check me, weigh baby, etc before packing up and leaving.

Vaccinations:

I am still undecided as yet.

Section 2

If I need to be transferred to hospital I would like my birth team with me.

I would like to be consulted on every intervention that may be performed. I do not automatically consent to any intervention but acknowledge that if there is a genuine emergency medical staff may need to make the call at the time.

If I require the drip I would like to start at the lowest dose possible and not to be increased if contractions are effective. When I birth my baby I want immediate skin to skin contact and I would like to wait until the cord has stopped pulsating before cutting the cord unless I have had the injection for third stage. I would like to avoid a managed third stage however I understand that interventions in labour can lead to a higher chance of bleeding.

If my baby needs help breathing I would like Joy to be with my baby and John to stay with me. I would prefer that my baby is close to me while this happens.

If I require a caesarian section I would like John and Joy with me. I would like baby brought straight to me. I do not want Endone as pain relief after the operation. Please discuss all decisions with me and ensure I am well informed about the benefits and risks of all suggestions. I would like to attempt breastfeeding as soon as possible.

If my baby needs special care I would like to be with my baby as much as possible.

Breastfeeding is very important to me and to my baby. Every effort will be made to ensure a positive start to our breastfeeding relationship and I expect all hospital staff to support and encourage this.

No formula is to be given to my baby. If my baby requires breastmilk please bring him/her to me and I will breastfeed or express some colostrum to be given to baby with a teaspoon. No bottles please. If there are any problems feeding I wish to make the decision with my family and midwife. If there are any issues I will use donor breastmilk from a family member if there is any reason the baby cannot have my milk.

Please save the placenta for us to take home.

Vaccinations:

I am still undecided as yet.

If our baby is stillborn we would like to be left alone for as long as we need to spend time with our baby.  

Doula story

It has taken me a while to have the emotional energy to sit down and write this... it's all good, it was just tiring and so I have needed a couple of weeks to be able to process everything.

My sister in law and I have been best friends since 1999.. I was such a part of the family that I married her brother!

Anyway, SIL asked me to be there to support her during the birth of her baby and of course I was more than happy to oblige!

After waiting and waiting for labour to start spontaneously, an induction was booked in for the Monday. She really wanted to avoid induction as she had experienced the drip with her last birth and it was not a nice experience. She had needed an epidural to cope with the intense contractions and didn't want to repeat this experience.

There were a few signs that labour was not far away- she had a bloody show, had a amniotic "leak" (as opposed to a gush of fluids) and had been experiencing contractions on and off for the previous couple of weeks. So we were all feeling positive that the drip would not be needed- but we also couldn't be sure.

Time ticked on and before we knew it, it was Monday morning- induction day!

I was asked to stay home until labour had started properly so that I would be fresh and might bring some renewed energy to a potentially tired mama and papa. We were looking after their little boy (Master 4) and it was lovely to spend the morning with him and to help him process what was happening. John recorded a video of our day and it really does show what a wonderful time we had together doing some normal things (like taking Molly to kinder) and some special things (like making a birthday cake for Master 4's new sister)...

I received a call at about 2pm to say that I would be needed at 3pm as the midwife was going to artificially rupture SIL's membranes and things were expected to kick up a notch from there. So we picked Molly up from kinder and I grabbed my "doula bag" before heading to The Royal Women's Hospital.

When I arrived SIL was working through a contraction and I was very pleased to see our friend (and student midwife) smiling- it was a kind of knowing smile that set my mind at ease about whether the drip would be necessary. SIL had been officially "in labour" since 1pm and the midwife was in the room preparing to rupture her membranes. At this point I must admit that I was wondering why they needed to do the ARM- it seemed to my untrained eye that labour was progressing nicely.. hospital protocol probably. SIL was fine with it though and was ready for the next, more intense phase to happen.

There was SO much fluid! I was out of the room when the midwife did the ARM however they reported later that the bed was soaked through and the sheets needed to be changed. The waters were clear so there was no meconium passed by the baby-  common sign that the baby has been in distress at some point (apparently it is quite uncommon for them to be perfect with a 42 week baby). As soon as the membranes were ruptured, the sensations definitely did intensify and it wasn't long before SIL was needing to vocalise through them. She asked for me, her hubby and the support midwife to keep on chatting through her contractions as she was enjoying the distraction of listening to us. She did not want us to talk to her, but also did not want silence.

At one point SIL apologised that we were not needed rubbing her back and tending to her. This seemed like a very funny and ridiculous thing for a labouring woman to be thinking about however I think she had in her mind a kind of picture of what it was going to be like, how intense, what we would all be doing etc. She was happy to stand in the one spot and knowing we were there was enough. In fact, that's how it remained for the next three hours... Us sitting chatting, her standing in the one spot and swaying and vocalising and the midwife coming in to monitor the baby every now and then.

At some point, about 6pm I think, the feeling in the room changed and without SIL needing to say anything I got up and began rubbing her back and using cold facewashers on her neck and her hubby held her hand. SIL was leaning over one side of the bed and her hubby was leaning over the other side with his head very close to hers speaking gentle words of encouragement into her ear. It was beautiful to watch. I stood right at her side and she pressed her body into mine with each contraction.

Then came the words that many a midwife would hear during most births "I can't do it!!".. "I can't do this for another eight hours"... I smiled at the midwives as we all knew that this meant that we were all very close to meeting baby. Very shortly after that, SIL began to let out a grunty, pushy noise at the end of each contraction and reported that she wanted to wee or poo or something and she seemed distressed and confused about what to do next. In the space of about a minute, she went from this confused state to one of purpose and determination. Her body wanted this baby out and she went with what her body was telling her instead of resisting the feeling. She pushed for about 15 minutes and needed her hubby and me to support her on each side as her legs were very tired after all the standing. Baby's head appeared quickly however it became obvious to the midwife that the shoulders were not going to come out while SIL was in that position so they asked her to get on hands and knees with her bottom high in the air. The shoulders required a little coaxing from the midwife and then out she came!

It took a minute or so to get her breathing and there were a few anxious bodies in the room at that point. I had a great vie from where I was of the table where the midwife was working  to get her breathing and I could reassure SIL that her baby was pink and just needed a little help getting her airways clear. Very quickly, baby let out a cry and was brought to have skin to skin with mama while she birthed the placenta. This part made me a little squirmy as a student midwife seemed to be very rough pulling it out- one reason why I don't feel comfortable about a managed third stage (SIL had some retained placenta and heavy bleeding the next day, for the record).

I was privileged enough to be the one to hold the fresh baby while SIL was helped onto the bed. I breathed that birth smell deep into my nostrils in an attempt to etch it into my memory. I love that smell. So womanly, so real..

Baby spent time on mama's naked chest and within about ten minutes had found her way to the breast and attached herself. I captured this whole process in photos- truly amazing. That new little being knowing just what to do.

Baby was nearly 10lbs... and my petite SIL pushed her out of her vagina.. She needed no forceps, no caesarian....Babies are meant to come out of their mama's body.

All is well with the new family,

SIL is pretty much fully recovered only two weeks later and baby is feeding like a champ!

Welcome to our crazy clan baby!

Molly's birth & reflection

(This was written by me shortly after the birth of my daughter Molly. I was very well informed about birthing choices and interventions however because I was in the hospital system and I went two weeks past my due date, I was bullied into an induction. Words in Italics have been added today)


Molly Grace Carr was born at 11pm on December 29th... she had a bit of a bumpy ride into the world starting with an induction which was (as it usually is) the beginning of a "cascade of intervention" which ended with her being born vaginally with the help of forceps (and episiotomy... eew). Molly got a bit stuck on the way out and needed help breathing when she was born, as I was pushing uphill (in styrrups!! (spelling??)) after having an epidural.....sooo... not the birth I planned but I was pretty much told I "had" to have an induction before new years as they don't do inductions on public holidays (what the??!!) and the baby might DIE if I go past 42 weeks....(note: Molly was born covered in vernix and the placenta was huge and healthy...) typical doctors who want to "manage" childbirth and get away on their holidays on time.


I know I could have said get stuffed, I know my baby will be fine (I truly felt that she was fine)- but I think they know that as soon as they mention stillbirth they have the power. I KNOW it would have been different if I had let her come when she was ready and I know I should have been more assertive- (however I felt so vulnerable and frightened by medical staff that I submitted to their wishes against my own well informed judgement) but... all that said- she is here now and is absolutely beautiful- the joy of my world. She spent the first day and night in special care for observation but behaved like a perfectly normal baby after stabilising really quickly and I was able to have her room in with me for a day and a night before we were discharged today. (There were punctures and bruises on the backs of her hands where the nurses in special care attempted to give her antibiotics for her high temperature and then realised the humidicrib was turned up too high. She was also given formula top ups with out my consent. We are lucky breastfeeding went so well!)

We just arrived home and are trying to navigate the joys of breastfeeding a baby who lost juuust more than 10% of body weight in the 1st 48hrs... like by a few grams (she was a little chubba anyway at 9lb 11oz (!!) so I figure she wont miss a couple of grams).. I think she probably lost the weight in special care while she was away from me being given "top up feeds" with formula (which she almost always threw back up)... she LOVES mummy's breastmilk (or colostrum as is was) and I think that if she had have been with me we may not now be having to answer to paediatritians who want us to wake her every 2 hours for a feed when she is tired and floppy instead of feeding her when she asks for it (and she clearly tells us when she's hungry)... (She and I had a sucessful breastfeeding relationship for the first 19 months of her life until she decided that she had had enough- thank the Lord!) 

So that's a little about Molly's birth. I didn't write a very detailed story- I'm not sure why, maybe because it was very painful to recall and I was not ready to fully face what had happened to us so I skimmed over it. For me now, reading back over this, it saddens me so much that this was the start of Molly's life. She is growing up to be an amazing bright spark and doesn't seem effected by the experience. I had a conversation with her before she was two where she told me that she remembered "when she came out" and that she was in a dark tunnel and then there were lots of people and everyone was sad. This is not how I intended her life to begin. She can't remember her birth any more and I wonder how that will effect her later in life. Some hypnosis may be useful.

I am determined to create a different experience for the next birth. I am in the process of finding an independent midwife (if our government doesn't totally outlaw homebirth in the mean time!), I have a doula friend who I plan to have there and I am soaking up as much info on home birth, reading birth stories, making plans to have chiro work done and getting as fit, healthy and flexible as I can in preparation for conception. I can't believe how differently I am approaching this whole thing. Last time I got pregnant and said "now what?".

So once again, welcome to this very sacred place. Thank you for being here. As always, comments are very welcome.