So here I am at 33 weeks!
Where did that time go?
I thought I'd better come and post something other than photos! So I thought I'd record how I am feeling physically, mentally and spiritually..
My body is feeling big and awkward. I had to walk up a big hill today while I was supporting a client at work and I felt like I was going backwards. I must have looked awkward because my client laughed. I am having a hard time getting back to sleep if I am woken at night. The last few nights have been awful as the pain in my symphysis pubis is back again and it hurts every time I try and turn over in bed. If I find a comfy position (usually laying on my left with my long body pillow between my knees) I need to stay put for as long as possible. I resent having to get up and go to the toilet in the night.
This all sounds very gloomy doesn't it? I actually love being pregnant. I love my big round belly and the way my body is preparing to sustain the little one's life once it is born. I love the way other mother's look at me and the conversations I have in my community because of my very obviously pregnant body. I get to hear all sorts of stories and get to share my own just about every day.
I can now pretty much always feel some part of the baby when I rub my hands over my belly. My belly is quickly filling up and I can't believe it could be another 8 weeks! I honestly hope not.
I have been vagueing out in a big way. I read an interesting blog piece HERE at birthfaith.org looking at the nesting urge (which has hit me in a big way) and the release of increased amounts of prolactin in late pregnancy. Here is a little excerpt;
"In his book, Birth and Breastfeeding, Michel Odent connects prolactin directly to nesting behavior:
[Prolactin] does not only act on the breast; it is the basis for nest building in animals. . . . Studies of breastfeeding mothers and of the symptoms suffered by men and women with prolactin-secreting tumors have increased our knowledge of the behavioral effects of this hormone on humans. One such effect is the reduction of libido or sexual interest. In addition, prolactin tends to engender subordinate and submissive states of mind. . . . These behavioral effects are easily explained in terms of the survival of the species. . . . The mother’s subordinate state increases her adaptability to the needs of the baby. (p. 118-119)"
The highlighted part really jumped out at me as only yesterday, when discussing where to go for lunch, I found myself saying to my work colleague "I don't care where we go, I'll just get in the car and you drive me where you want to go"... And then spent most of the afternoon staring off into space and only emerging from "Ash-lala-land" when being asked a direct question. I can tell you, this is not a useful state for Social Work however it is perfect for preparing to birth a baby.
This kind of state is also perfect for repetitive "nesting" type tasks like sorting, washing, mending etc etc.. and also easy knitting! Which, as you may have noticed, I have been doing a bit of recently. But I have no patience for delicate knits or complex patterns.. too much concentration required for this vagued out mama!
I am peaceful in my spirit right now. This may be an extension of what I was talking about regarding my mental state but I think it's separate. I know I have a lot to do before the babe joins us but I don't feel a great sense of urgency.. I am peaceful. I am confident that God is good and will take care of me and of our baby. The right people have come into our lives to help us (babe and I) birth safely.
I feel there is a deep connection between God, myself and the baby and when I am speaking to the baby I end up speaking to God as well. Sometimes I speak to the baby and talk about how I will do my very best to bring it into the world safely and peacefully and end up praying that we will be helped by the spirit and that I will be a strong and wise woman. When I do my nightly relaxation, I find myself talking to God. The whole thing is so intertwined and I feel it's impossible for me to separate God from my experience of this pregnancy and birth. How could I? I get to experience creation in it's purest form. I get to see a baby take it's first breath of air and feel it's new slippery body. I get to feed a baby at my breast and assist God to nurture and grow another person. It is so very spiritual for me.
So that's where I'm at.
Thanks for reading...