Tuesday, 9 November 2010

Retreating inward...

I had a lovely time sharing sandwiches and chatting with my midwife today. I visited thinking there would be other mothers there for the fortnightly mother-baby support group that is run from my midwife's house, however, for whatever reason I was the only one who went! So the afternoon looked a little different to how it usually does!

After a free-flowing discussion on a range of topics including a recent surprise twin birth that my midwife attended, personal vulnerability (and for that to be seen), aspects of our faith journeys, aspects of parenting (instilling responsibility and accountability without fear) and other things, it came up that I am feeling a great desire to "go inward". That for the first time since being in my job, I am starting to lose my patience with clients (in my head- no one would have any idea) and I have less and less emotional energy to deal with things that come up outside the comfort and protective bubble of family. I cannot think critically and respond in a methodical and measured way like I usually can.  The fortnightly staff meeting that I enjoy attending due to the fact that it is a great connection point between the weekend staff members and weekday staff, is becoming a real drag... It's not that anything has changed. I love my job. But the passion and spark that I usually have is dull. I just want to be with my loved ones.

This is ok. This is good.

Joy and I discussed how this is a natural "nesting" response in preparing to bring another new life into our family. To draw the closest closer and to create some distance between the family bubble and the ones who aren't and shouldn't be closely involved during this time.

It doesn't make me a bad social worker, a bad friend or a bad Christian... it makes me a mother.

5 comments:

xmintycupcakesx said...

I totally understand where you are coming from! I spoke to my midwife about the exact same thing when I was pregnant with Phoenix!

green ink said...

It sounds totally normal to be feeling that way Ash....and how lovely to have some one on one time with the midwife to talk about it all with her :)

K said...

I felt the exact same way when I was nursing, which is the main reason I stopped work at 27 weeks with number 2 - my heart was not in it, I just wanted to put all that emotion and effort into my family, it wasn't fair on my patients. And it's still the main reason I can't go back to nursing yet, or maybe ever. My heart doesn't belong there anymore, it belongs with my kids & husband.

Lovely post.

Kat said...

I read your post and thought "wow that sounds like how Im feeling, but Im not pregnant so whats wrong with me?". Then I read K's comment about how her heart belongs with her family. Sometimes I think our hearts know what we need and where our focus needs to be, rather than where logically our minds say where it should be.

Your midwife sounds lovely :o)

Glamour Puss said...

I know I'm not a mum but I find myself like that at times - maybe it's hormonal??

Kasey from Twitter

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